Hug a Church Worker Day

I've decided that today is International Hug a Church Worker Day.

So many of my church working friends both near and far are having rough weeks - rough months, even.  And so, churchgoing folk, I encourage you to show them a little bit of love.  Not because they preached a great sermon or loved your smelly middle schooler or because they sat with your dying parent or grandparent last weekend.  But just because you love them.  Or maybe they're not a hugger.  Maybe chocolate is the language that fuels them up.  I have no idea, really, but show them some love. 

Working in a church is tricky business.  It can be both, at the same time, the most wonderful, fulfilling, life-giving enterprise and yet the most discouraging, frustrating, problematic, tension-fraught experience of your life.  Perhaps this is why the tenure for youth directors lasts an overwhelming 18 months.  After 18 months, many youth directors have simply decided that it's too hard.  Perhaps the statistic is higher for ordained pastors because let's face it - after 4 years of undergrad and a grueling 3+ years of seminary, you've gotta stick with it for at least a few years, if only to pay off your student loans.

I don't mean to be cynical because I know many "lifers" both in youth ministry and in pulpit ministry (and indeed in children's, missions, outreach, and executive ministry as well).  What I do know, however, is that for the average churchgoer, many of the day to day things that church staff members deal with are largely unseen.  Many average churchgoers that I talk with describe dreamily a so-called "perfect" work environment where everyone prays all day long, never gets in fights, and where people don't mess up.  I'm often sorry to have to tell these dreamers that the truth is that real people work in churches.  Thus, real sins are in churches.  Thus, mess-ups, fights, wrong decisions, lack of spiritual growth, ulterior motives, politics and frustrations are, consequently, a very real part of working in a church. 

Now, are we better off spiritually than corporations?  I'd hope so.  I do pray in my current and did pray in my past workplace every. single. day.  Even if only to ask God to help me hold my tongue so I don't fall prey to any of the aforementioned sins.  But the truth is that we are all broken. Everyone from the Senior Pastor to the choir director (and even Youth Director!) are broken people.  We're struggling with what it means to live a life of faith - and what it means to be real and authentic while doing it.  We also cope with the tension between being real and being too real.  We cope with the gray areas, the manual-less areas, the situations where we have no idea how to proceed forward.  Because we're people.  Yes, we work for Jesus, but we're not Him.  I fall short every single day.  Every day.  Many times per day, even.  But for whatever reason, God calls us broken individuals to partner with Him.  He calls us to love people in His name and get paid for it.  Which most days is a pretty sweet job. 

But there are days where we, or someone else in our office falls short.  And things get messy.  Egos get in the way.  Triangulation or gossip take over.  Politics win over truth.  And the church can be a very weary place indeed.  Because I believe, that in all of us church-working people, that we're not so different from you, average church-goer.  We expect the church to be different, too.  We expect people to be better, less sinful, and more loving.  And when someone lets us down, it is an incredible disappointment. 

The church is the only job I can think of (and I've been thinking for a long time about this) where your personal and professional lives are so inextricably linked.  Faith is deeply personal - and without personal faith you cannot lead a church.  But, faith is corporate, too.  We live out our very personal faith corporately, just like everyone else.  But things get complicated because it's not just about faith.  If churches only hired the people with the best faith, me and probably many people I know would be out of a job, because many days, I struggle.

We are also called to be gifted in certain areas.  This can mean anything from being a good counselor to knowing how to operate Adobe Photoshop or give a good sermon.  Our gifts and talents lend themselves to the job.  And so, we're living out our personal faith in the middle of a group environment where we are both the shepherd and the servant.  Not to mention the various social aspects of the church.  I know next to nobody in Hong Kong that I didn't meet through a church event.  In fact, I know nobody in Hong Kong that I didn't meet through church.  Wrap that up in a neat package and what you see is an immense tension.

Imagine if, at the end of the day, you've had some struggle at work.  Perhaps you dial up your friends (who you may have met at church, maybe at your place or work, or anywhere else for that matter) and you tell your friend about it.  For church people, this isn't always possible or recommended.  For who wants to talk negatively about a work (church) situation to their friends?  Any responsible church worker will likely shy away from these discussions with their  non-church working friends.  Why? Because the burden is too great! How can you listen to the Senior Pastor and accept his or her authority if you heard about an explosive argument they had with the Missions Director?  How can you trust the Family Ministry Director if you heard what their leadership style is really like? 

So church-working people keep it to themselves, if they're like many in ministry.  Or if they're lucky they talk about it with their church-working friends.  And this can be a daily tension.  Not all churches are healthy or going well all the time.  And even in the healthiest of churches, there are conflicts and problems and people don't always live like Jesus did.  And many church workers shoulder this burden very much alone. 

I am happy to say that I write this article out of a place of immense contentment with my job.  My church isn't perfect, of course, but it is healthy.  My supervisor is excellent and I trust my co-workers.  I feel as though the balance between personal and professional is more balanced here than in any church I've ever worked in.  I belong to a network of over 30 youth directors that I can (and have) talked with about my struggles, both personally and professionally.  But I am acutely aware of how much of a rarity this luxury is. 

So the moral of the story is this:
Hug your church worker.  Or bring them chocolate.  Or invite them over for dinner.  Or send them a card.

Or just let them know that you love them.  Because they love you. For many people that is the entire reason they stay in hard positions in dying or frustrating churches.  Or why they tolerate a non-supportive supervisor or micromanaging committee.  Because if anything, church workers LOVE their people.

So, you may never hear your church working friend unload about the pastor or the flower committee or the choir director.  But that doesn't mean that it isn't hard.  And a little bit of love, you know, goes a long way.

Til Next Time,

The Adventurer