Desire

Desire.  A word with many connotations, I'm sure.  The connotation I'm currently thinking about could be applied to many situations, but what initially got me thinking about it was a relationship.  I have found myself yelling at God a lot lately, because something that I have wanted desperately has been just hanging out in front of me with no resolution for the better part of a month.  I've been angry at God because I could not (until this point) see what the point in me desiring something is that I can not have.  It's very frustrating to be a control freak (or a recovering one, as I like to think) in this kind of situation.  It is the kind of situation, of course, that I dread the most.  Doing everything I can do to control a situation, being driven by desire, or whatever it is, and not being able to get the outcome I want.  This has been one of the most difficult lessons to learn by far, but that is an entirely other post.  I got to arguing with God about the purpose of desire because I didn't see what kind of constructive purpose it serves.  I think that especially in my life, desire frequently gives way to an unhealthy desire. I get driven to do something (or have something) and I get fixated on it; I can't see any alternatives other than the outcome I think should happen.  This definitely makes me miss possibilities that I should pay attention to, and makes me hold on to ones that are implausible.  I have really struggled with this.  After a lot of prayer and reflection, I have realized, however, that desire is put in our hearts by God, whether it is desire for a person or for a career or for anything else in our lives.  Desire, at least the kind that lives in our heart of hearts, IS created by God, it just may point in directions other than the ones we readily see.  This is tough, but I think it answers the question of why we desire (even things that seem totally unavailable to us).  I just hope that in the future, I can not invest myself so much in the things that I want and listen more to WHY God is putting that desire in my life in the first place.