Every church has them. The infamous Preacher's Kid. The troublesome staff kid. You'll know these kids because they are usually the ones causing a ruckus, "volunteering" (hanging out in the youth office rendering at least one if not every youth staff person useless), or talking back to you in a way that most "regular" kids wouldn't ever dare address a youth or children's pastor.
I know this because I was one.
I didn't sit down to write this post to commiserate about these kids, I sat down to talk about how to love them. First, a few things. Yes, these kids are a lot of work. They will talk your ear off, defy your authority, and make out in any and every dark, unlocked room in the building. But they also NEED you.
Growing up, I needed my youth group. See, the trouble with staff kids (or preacher's kids, in my case) is that they fly under the spiritual radar a lot of the time. People assume that because their parent(s) work for the church, their spiritual well-being is taken care of. What's that old adage about the cobbler's children? That they never have shoes? I think you'll find in more cases than not a large amount of spiritual drought in our church-working families. Ministry is hard on a family: from long hours in the office, to the constant pressures to do the right things and seem like a perfect family, kids who grow up on this side of church often yearn for the spirituality they are surrounded by. Not one single time in my high school career did one of my small group leaders ask me how I was doing spiritually. Not one. Is this because they didn't love Jesus and want me to as well? Absolutely not. It is because they assumed that because I was the preacher's kid that I had it taken care of. Let me let you in on a little secret. Preacher's kids are some of the best posers out there. We are pros at looking good on the outside while harboring a mess on the inside. My small group leaders didn't confront me because they assumed. They assumed I had it together.
Another large problem facing preacher's kids is that they are ALWAYS in the spotlight. One particular instance that stands out to me was right after a retreat. I was probably a freshman in high school, and I was mouthy. We got home, I was tired, and one of our youth sponsors was trying to give me some directions. Sleep deprivation and teenage angst combined, and she and I got into an argument. During the argument, she said something to me that I have not, to this day, forgotten. She looked me square in the eye and said, "Who do you think you are? I see that you leave the choir loft EVERY Sunday after the youth choir sings. You don't even stay for the sermon! What kind of example are you setting?". At that point, I probably said some ultra church appropriate words to her and walked away. See, what she didn't know is that my dad had gotten appointed to another church. My parents flat told me that I had to start participating at the youth group at my dad's new church (in the same city as the old church). And I was angry about it. I could participate in the youth choir at the old church (of which I was the president), but I had to be at my dad's church service, which meant leaving after the choir sang. It was a horribly painful transition for me. But she didn't take the time to get to know my story. She just saw the behavior and lashed out at me. And I still remember it, more than 10 years later.
See, we need to CARE for our staff kids. I can tell you firsthand that it isn't easy growing up in the spotlight. I could recount to you countless times where something "got back" to my parents that in fact hadn't happened. I wasn't a hellion in high school, in fact, I hung around with good, Mormon kids. I made the honor roll, and got into a very competitive college. But people could see what they wanted to. Growing up in the church was incredibly hurtful at times.
Lastly, preacher's kids are often saddled with an immense amount of information. Some families do a better job than others of insulating their kids from what goes on in churches, but no matter what, preacher's and staff kids are impacted by the negative things spill over from mom's or dad's job at the church. I remember at the age of 14 knowing who was cheating on who, who was getting divorced, who was getting counseling for their marital problems, and who had a drug addiction. I was both an inquisitive child and an eavesdropper, and therefore, I knew WAY more than I should. What all this goes to say is that staff kids often emerge with their rose-colored glasses off. Whereas many of their peers are meeting Jesus for the first time in middle or high school, these preacher's kids have known Him and his band of ragtag followers for years. They are, in ways, like little adults, hardened to the realities of a messy world. And this is why they need grace. This is why they need love.
So, in summary, that kid may be driving you insane, but they're driving you insane because they NEED to be heard. They are desperate for someone to genuinely ask them about their faith. They're desperate to not just be a stereotype, to not be typecast as the partier, or holier-than-thou, but to just be beloved son or daughter of the king.
javascript:void(0)
