Hug a Church Worker Day

I've decided that today is International Hug a Church Worker Day.

So many of my church working friends both near and far are having rough weeks - rough months, even.  And so, churchgoing folk, I encourage you to show them a little bit of love.  Not because they preached a great sermon or loved your smelly middle schooler or because they sat with your dying parent or grandparent last weekend.  But just because you love them.  Or maybe they're not a hugger.  Maybe chocolate is the language that fuels them up.  I have no idea, really, but show them some love. 

Working in a church is tricky business.  It can be both, at the same time, the most wonderful, fulfilling, life-giving enterprise and yet the most discouraging, frustrating, problematic, tension-fraught experience of your life.  Perhaps this is why the tenure for youth directors lasts an overwhelming 18 months.  After 18 months, many youth directors have simply decided that it's too hard.  Perhaps the statistic is higher for ordained pastors because let's face it - after 4 years of undergrad and a grueling 3+ years of seminary, you've gotta stick with it for at least a few years, if only to pay off your student loans.

I don't mean to be cynical because I know many "lifers" both in youth ministry and in pulpit ministry (and indeed in children's, missions, outreach, and executive ministry as well).  What I do know, however, is that for the average churchgoer, many of the day to day things that church staff members deal with are largely unseen.  Many average churchgoers that I talk with describe dreamily a so-called "perfect" work environment where everyone prays all day long, never gets in fights, and where people don't mess up.  I'm often sorry to have to tell these dreamers that the truth is that real people work in churches.  Thus, real sins are in churches.  Thus, mess-ups, fights, wrong decisions, lack of spiritual growth, ulterior motives, politics and frustrations are, consequently, a very real part of working in a church. 

Now, are we better off spiritually than corporations?  I'd hope so.  I do pray in my current and did pray in my past workplace every. single. day.  Even if only to ask God to help me hold my tongue so I don't fall prey to any of the aforementioned sins.  But the truth is that we are all broken. Everyone from the Senior Pastor to the choir director (and even Youth Director!) are broken people.  We're struggling with what it means to live a life of faith - and what it means to be real and authentic while doing it.  We also cope with the tension between being real and being too real.  We cope with the gray areas, the manual-less areas, the situations where we have no idea how to proceed forward.  Because we're people.  Yes, we work for Jesus, but we're not Him.  I fall short every single day.  Every day.  Many times per day, even.  But for whatever reason, God calls us broken individuals to partner with Him.  He calls us to love people in His name and get paid for it.  Which most days is a pretty sweet job. 

But there are days where we, or someone else in our office falls short.  And things get messy.  Egos get in the way.  Triangulation or gossip take over.  Politics win over truth.  And the church can be a very weary place indeed.  Because I believe, that in all of us church-working people, that we're not so different from you, average church-goer.  We expect the church to be different, too.  We expect people to be better, less sinful, and more loving.  And when someone lets us down, it is an incredible disappointment. 

The church is the only job I can think of (and I've been thinking for a long time about this) where your personal and professional lives are so inextricably linked.  Faith is deeply personal - and without personal faith you cannot lead a church.  But, faith is corporate, too.  We live out our very personal faith corporately, just like everyone else.  But things get complicated because it's not just about faith.  If churches only hired the people with the best faith, me and probably many people I know would be out of a job, because many days, I struggle.

We are also called to be gifted in certain areas.  This can mean anything from being a good counselor to knowing how to operate Adobe Photoshop or give a good sermon.  Our gifts and talents lend themselves to the job.  And so, we're living out our personal faith in the middle of a group environment where we are both the shepherd and the servant.  Not to mention the various social aspects of the church.  I know next to nobody in Hong Kong that I didn't meet through a church event.  In fact, I know nobody in Hong Kong that I didn't meet through church.  Wrap that up in a neat package and what you see is an immense tension.

Imagine if, at the end of the day, you've had some struggle at work.  Perhaps you dial up your friends (who you may have met at church, maybe at your place or work, or anywhere else for that matter) and you tell your friend about it.  For church people, this isn't always possible or recommended.  For who wants to talk negatively about a work (church) situation to their friends?  Any responsible church worker will likely shy away from these discussions with their  non-church working friends.  Why? Because the burden is too great! How can you listen to the Senior Pastor and accept his or her authority if you heard about an explosive argument they had with the Missions Director?  How can you trust the Family Ministry Director if you heard what their leadership style is really like? 

So church-working people keep it to themselves, if they're like many in ministry.  Or if they're lucky they talk about it with their church-working friends.  And this can be a daily tension.  Not all churches are healthy or going well all the time.  And even in the healthiest of churches, there are conflicts and problems and people don't always live like Jesus did.  And many church workers shoulder this burden very much alone. 

I am happy to say that I write this article out of a place of immense contentment with my job.  My church isn't perfect, of course, but it is healthy.  My supervisor is excellent and I trust my co-workers.  I feel as though the balance between personal and professional is more balanced here than in any church I've ever worked in.  I belong to a network of over 30 youth directors that I can (and have) talked with about my struggles, both personally and professionally.  But I am acutely aware of how much of a rarity this luxury is. 

So the moral of the story is this:
Hug your church worker.  Or bring them chocolate.  Or invite them over for dinner.  Or send them a card.

Or just let them know that you love them.  Because they love you. For many people that is the entire reason they stay in hard positions in dying or frustrating churches.  Or why they tolerate a non-supportive supervisor or micromanaging committee.  Because if anything, church workers LOVE their people.

So, you may never hear your church working friend unload about the pastor or the flower committee or the choir director.  But that doesn't mean that it isn't hard.  And a little bit of love, you know, goes a long way.

Til Next Time,

The Adventurer

Asian Friends

One of the things I love most about my life here in Hong Kong is that I feel like I have a much more local experience than many of my expat friends.  How so, you say?  I'll tell you.

First and foremost, I live in a building where my roommates and I are the only white people.  The only ones.  So that makes us a) a spectacle and b) memorable.  What this also does is forces me to use Mandarin on a daily basis with our doormen.  This is good for a few reasons.  They love us, mostly because we are willing to take the time and effort to actually talk with them in a mutually understood language (neither of them speak any English whatsoever), and also because I feel that we are probably the first white people to live here.  I have even struck up elevator-smiling friendships with some of the grandmas that live on the floors below me. 

One particular anecdote stands out.  During Chinese New Year, the traditional greeting is Gung Hay Fat Choi.  I learned this early on in the 15 day period of Chinese New Year, and started employing it in my conversations regularly.  Towards the end of Chinese New Year, one of the elderly couples in my building held the elevator for me as I ran towards it and when I got in, I mumbled a quick mmmmgoiiii (Thank You).  The couple smiled and laughed at what I presume was my horrible pronunciation.  As they were getting off the elevator, I managed a Gung Hay Fat Choi to them and the strangest thing happened.  The husband's face lit up and they began bowing and saying it back to me.  Both of them were beaming.  And I realized in that moment that this particular experience wouldn't have happened just anywhere.  If they had spoken English, we might have just gone along in our day, but the (extremely small) effort I took made a huge difference to them.

This is why I moved to another country.  Not to have a convenient experience, not to feel good about my efforts or to build my career.  I moved to another country because I love learning about other cultures and other languages.  And I have definitely received far more than I have been able to give.

The other blessing I've had while living in Hong Kong is that the majority of my friends, the people in my church and the kids in my youth group are Asian.  I love this about my life here.  Now, this might seem a little strange to you.  You might be thinking, well, duh Whitney, you live in Asia.  Of course you know a lot of Asians.  But surprisingly, this is not the experience a lot of expats have.  It would probably be extremely possible to only have white friends.  Especially in corporate jobs.  I know people who work in divisions entirely staffed by expats, or worse, entirely staffed by people from the US.  So, it would be possible to go all day not interacting with Asian people.  Compounding this is the fact that many expats who make decent money move to the "expat ghettos" in Mid-Levels or Pokfulam.  I don't mean this to be derogatory - I just mean to say that many expats are attracted to these areas.  And of course they are.  They have more conveniences, grocery stores that carry more western products, nicer flats, and are convenient.  If I had kids, I might just consider living in one of these areas.  So, many people who live here and who don't care about interacting with locals, frankly, might never do it.

I'm glad I've gotten connected with my church and another young adult group where I am in the minority.  I have so many Asian friends here, and I learn something new from every time I see them.  No exaggeration. 

I've learned about Asian family structure and the idea of revering ones' parents and elders.  I've talked and debated with my friends about the value of taking care of your parents, and how this ideal is completely flipped from the values I grew up with.  I've heard how many of my friends live with their parents all the way until they're married, and that this is considered model behavior from a good son or daughter.  I've talked with my friends about the pressures that growing up in a traditional Asian family can bring and how for many of my friends there were only three job choices available to them growing up - Doctor, Lawyer or Banker, in that order.  I've picked up random Cantonese and even got a lesson on how the gospel message can be portrayed through Chinese characters.  And this just scratches the surface.  But I can surely say that this is an experience that I never would have had if I didn't have Asian friends.

I've been reflecting a lot about my time in Denmark lately.  I loved that time probably more than any other in my life.  And for the longest time I couldn't figure out why.  But I think I finally have the answer.  I developed good, solid friendships with Danes there.  I learned and lived the culture.  I tried the language out.  I learned to make Danish food and celebrate Danish holidays and it made my experience there extremely rich.  And that is what Hong Kong is becoming for me.  I love the new things I am experiencing.  I love that I never know what to expect when I gather with my Asian friends.  I love that I am constantly amazed by just how different yet similar we all are. 

So, Asian friends, thanks for befriending this Gweilo.  I love and appreciate you all more than I can say!

Til Next Time,

The Adventurer